Crysta Balis
If I'm Not Here
Updated: Aug 29, 2020
by Crysta Balis - For Eli and Mavi
“Every mother accompanies her child in absentia - be it when they are with baby sitters, at school, at camp, when they leave home. In that sense, [this] deeply moving poem reflects a universal journey shared by mothers with their children.” – Evelyn Voigt

If I’m not here
I will find you
I will find you in the wind
And wrap you with its gusts
And tousle your hair
I will find you in the sun
And plant kisses on your cheeks with
Warm golden rays
I will be near you in your stillness
And sing to you through silence
You’ll know my wordless song
I will be with you in your joy
In that rolling motion of light
Cascading from your heart
I will be with you when you weep
I am the tender tickle
When a tear slides down
Your cheek

I’ll be the glittering dust
That dances in sun rays
Peeking through windows
Catching your eyes
I’ll be the rustling leaves
In their lively bounce and sway
Waving from above
Cheering you along
I’ll be the faint whisper
That tells you “I Love You”
In the twilight before sleep
And again as you wake
I will find you always
In each passing day
You’ll feel my hand on your back
It’s me, my Loves, I’m here
I will be there
With You
For You
Beside You
Always There
Love, Mama
